| black is the new black |
[Jul. 21st, 2008|07:26 pm] |
kurt and i are taking the one hundred push-ups challenge. today was day one. the initial test was to get down and do as many push-ups in a row as possible to see what level you're at. hah. i only made two before my poor noodly arms gave up. kurt did ten! so i am rank one and he is rank two. tomorrow we rest, then on wednesday we step it up a notch.
we went and saw WALL-E yesterday. it was even more awesome than i thought it would be. not only is it cute and funny and entertaining but it's got some great social commentary and things to think about. afterward we went out to eat with gina and joey and gina and i realized today that we're in the same research methods class this fall. yay! it will be so fun to see her twice a week and have a class together!
today i ran errands, spent more money that i don't have, and then came home and spent a few hours fixing garage window openings and reinstalling the garage windows that i fixed. wow, it was a lot of work. i ended up having to make a whole new windowsill for one of the windows... and felt very fucking awesome that i did it with no help from anyone! it looks perfect and the window fit perfect once the sill was in. next up: finish the shelves i've been slowly working on in my basement entryway.
not too much else is new. i got my first "B" on a test in my psych class this morning. i just didn't study enough. whatever, i easily have an "A" in the class. next week i have one more regular test and the final then it's truly SUMMER. i can't wait. |
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| i went to the store and didn't get paper clips |
[Mar. 11th, 2008|07:08 pm] |
so jenna already set me straight on this but up until today i was unaware that there was a slang term for women whose husbands spend too much time with one of their hobbies. i came across the term "x-box 360 widow" and i have to say i've never been so offended by something before. i know it's just a slang thing but to even suggest that having your husband play a video game too much is in any way, shape, or form similar to having him be DEAD... i mean, seriously people. as the real thing, a widow, that is, i was just flabbergasted. but i also understand that it's not meant to offend and i'm sure i say many things off-hand that offend others without my realizing it. such is life. i was still shocked though.
ahem.
other than that today was actually an okay day though really, super long. on tuesdays i have class from 8:00 am to 2:00 pm with a break from 9:00 am to 11:00 am, which is when i eat lunch and hang with jenna (and sometimes courtney) at the union. but my french teacher got called away just as class was going to start so he canceled which gave me time to go read chemistry. but then i went to physics lab and realized i did the wrong pre-lab assignment. there goes five points. then our equipment didn't work. frustration ensued.
hmm, i'm not making it sound like an okay day, am i? but it was. i guess because after all the stress, i came home and read a book for awhile then made lasagna with kurt and then bought a bunch of silly, little office supplies i've been needing. it was chill. i liked it.
i met with my chemistry professor for awhile this afternoon and even though i'm not sure i got a whole lot out of it, i could tell he was impressed that i really did come home and study the material after getting my test score last week. while i was in his office though, a handful of people came in to get their tests and one guy (who got a 40-something percent on the test... not much lower than my score) had pretty much the exact same conversation with him that i did last week: will i pass the course? (yes, there will be a curve and we will probably both pass though just barely if we keep this up.) but i really need to GET the material because i'm going on to blah blah (me chemistry, this guy was pre-chiropractic) and can't just coast by. yes, i will go through the problems again and come see you (the professor) to fully understand. it made me feel a little bit like, um, nothing. like there must be so many students coming in saying the same shit to him this week and how can he not get sick of it? i hope that i can at least live up to my end of it.
i wish i had more interesting things to talk about. i was reading about neuroscience, neuropsychology, and neurophsychiatry the other day and found it all to be very fascinating. especially the table in the neurophychiatry page that links to research to neural correlates for various mental illnesses. (i also enjoyed that the traditional psychiatric explanation for bipolar was "narcissistic". cracked me up.) i've been emailing with a professor in the psychology department to see what kinds of classes i can take as an undergrad that will help with my eventual focus on physiopsychology. since no one at UND does the type of research i'd like to get into... well, i'm not sure what that means for me. will i do graduate work here in it under someone else? will i go elsewhere to learn about it from people who are experts (or at least more knowledgeable) in the field? will i completely change my mind about what i want to study before that time comes? who knows. at this point in time, i just need to go study some organic chemistry and quit dreaming! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 17th, 2007|04:26 pm] |
so* the other day, someone recognized me at the psychiatrist's office. do you know how awkward this is? it's a little like the time i saw a friend's ex in a clinic waiting room and i stopped to say hi then found out later she had been there for STD testing. no wonder she acted so odd at the time. there's still, and probably always will be to some degree, this stigma around mental illness in our society. and i hate to admit that i propagate this stigma every time i joke around about being "crazy". it's funny to me, it makes me laugh, but sometimes i make the joke and people take me so seriously. by which i mean they try to convince me that it's not a big deal and that a lot of people these days are on anti-depressants or seeing a therapist or whatever. and then i have to feel uncomfortable because i don't need consoling, i need someone to smile at my joke, only it's not perceived as a joke because the backlash of the stigma about mental illness is that it's not PC to joke about your own mental illness. are you following me?
so, usually, i really could care less who i see when i go to the psychiatrist. unless it's a client, that would be weird. because really, it's not like at the doctor's office when people randomly ask people they know why they're there. while i was waiting at the lab to have my blood drawn for routine liver enzyme tests due to my liver-killing meds, i heard at least three people ask someone else why they were there. and all of them answered like it was no big deal. but at the psych office, if people recognize you and bother to say hi at all (rather than duck behind a plant and hope you didn't see them) they will rarely, if ever, ask you why you're there. and that's alright by me. because, while i'm getting better and better about being open about my bipolar, i still would rather not be put on the spot where i feel like i <i>have</i> to tell someone about it.
but the openness is the best way to help lower the stigma, right? but it also sometimes feels like you're opening yourself up to microscopic analyzing by anyone you tell. i know for a fact that some people i've told have looked at me and my actions differently since i told them about it. this, to me, is more wrong than the social stigma. only my psychiatrist and my designated friends should be analyzing my behavior. i realize it's important to have at least one outside source for this because in the midst of symptoms of a mental illness, the person with the illness is not always able to stand back and say "hey, i'm having symptoms, i should probably make an appointment with my doctor." in the past, there were many times that it was someone else who pointed out my symptoms to me and i've tried my best to assess myself and not get immediately defensive about it. but this is why i've talked with certain friends about it and asked them to let me know if they ever see me with certain symptoms. it's not for every tom, dick and harry out there to analyze me. am i right here? i mean, if there was a severity to symptoms - of any mental illness - of course someone should step in and say something but overall, in daily life, should people with a mental illness be evaluated by their peers, friends, co-workers so that if a symptom pops up they're right there to notice it?
as always, once i get going on this subject i start second guessing myself. i didn't even mean to take the discussion this far but when my fingers get typing... i guess they come up with this.
in related news, i should be hearing from my doctor about those liver enzymes. if they're elevated again i'll have to change meds. bleh. then maybe i'll give you all free reign to analyze my blogging behavior! ;-)
the conclusion to the someone who recognized me story: i have no freaking clue who it was. she spoke to me by name and i didn't recognize the face, the voice, the nothing about this person and yet i acted like i did and for that i feel terrible. i don't know if i feel worse because i didn't recognize her or because i didn't say "hey, your name is completely escaping me at the moment... " if it's any one of you, please email me and berate me and explain the connection because my poor little brain ain't gettin' it. (on a related note, did you know this is a little mentioned thing about bipolar? the horrible face recognition? interesting, huh?)
*have you ever noticed how often my entries start out with "so"? or my paragraphs? or, if you've ever had a random phone call from me before, my phone calls? |
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